As a woman...

I remembered how I had to prepare Amala by myself for a family of 5. I was 11 or 12 at the time, and my first few months or maybe a year of trials were very terrible.

It came with a lot of Nigerian parents' way of correcting, the unkind words, sarcasm, insults, and the "if this is what I will do in my husband’s house" comments.

This experience has caused cooking anxiety especially when I am home for holidays. I am not at peace until everyone has eaten and no one has a complaint. I panic when I begin to take too long in the kitchen because my father’s words which have become an inside joke of "Aisha se o fe pami ni? (Aisha, do you want to kill me?)" still make me panic at things I have no control over. I can’t ask the cooking gas to run faster than it's already doing, or can I?

At the time, I had an elder brother who was about two years older than I was, who wasn’t asked to make Amala for a family of 5.

He and I could have made these Amalas and prepared other dishes together. Imagine I holding the pot tightly while he turns the Amala or vice versa, or he peels the yam while I cut the onion or vice versa. That would have been easier. We sure wouldn’t have been perfect, but there would have been fewer errors.

But, as a man, he shouldn’t have been in the kitchen, and as a woman, I should be in the kitchen.

Now, here is a point I have to make before I go on. I am very much okay if people, society, and women ascribe or believe certain roles are theirs. Please, live your life as you deem fit.

But, here is my question, why do we complain that men are toxic, unhelpful around the house, and mannerless when while growing up they were told that the world was theirs and women were at their beck and calls?

Why do we judge women who live their lives for men and make all of their decisions based on a man? Why do we judge women who have decided not to leave an abusive marriage? Even when they have thriving careers, women still feel incomplete without a man since all they have been taught all their lives is to live to please, worship, and be at the beck and calls of men.

On Friday night, my fresher sister who came home for the holidays was telling my mom and me about school escapades when she mentioned that her first two attempts at making egusi were terrible, and my mother was embarrassed for her.

She said, won’t they say I didn’t teach you well at home, haven’t you gone there to embarrass me? A woman’s identity tied to her ability to make a perfect egusi? Issokay.

All of a sudden my very adventurous sister who baked a cake for me on my birthday without an oven, who makes perfect Amala, pepper soup, Yamarita, pancakes, and every other food from scratch is already a disappointment because she couldn’t make Egusi at her first two attempts.

When a woman is disrespectful, no one tells her that it will create a bad perception of her, and cost her relationships and opportunities. Instead, she is asked if this is how she would behave in her husband’s house.

Men are the trophy.

Here is my question, when will women breaaaaatheee? When will the outcome of our lives not be judged by what we can do and not do well?

I am tempted to ask what exactly are men doing for women, but I really don’t think anyone’s life should be planned around another. My two percent thought.

Your “WOMAN”

Aisha